


Dreams or Realities

by wispofgloom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Cares for Dean, Castiel has obvious feelings for Dean, Castiel is a Good Friend, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean Winchester is a dick sometimes(a lot), F/F, F/M, M/M, but it's totally worth it (promise), others will make you want to rip your heart out, some of these are cute, you'll probably yell at him like you always do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-10-04 08:04:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17300900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wispofgloom/pseuds/wispofgloom
Summary: Everytime Dean falls asleep, he has a dream about a different reality. At first, they’re just slightly out of the ordinary, but quickly become highly questionable. This leads Dean to think twice about whether or not they’re really dreams at all.There are so many relationship tags because different dreams have different relationships. Just because I’m writing these dreams does NOT mean I ship all of the ships.





	1. April Fools, it's a Happy New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's New Years Eve, Dean is super drunk and starts to dance on the bar of the roadhouse. Ellen's roadhouse. Lots of people he knows/knew are there.

**April 1st, 2018**

“Boy, it’s been a long day.” Dean lets out a heavy sigh as he drops his duffel bag on the big table in the library before plopping down in one of the chairs. “No kidding, we solved the witch case and then you drove for 7 hours non-stop.” Sam takes Dean’s bag, setting it on the floor out of the way. “Man, when did I start getting tired after that? I used to be able to run for 5 days on 10 hours of sleep, but now, I can run 10 minutes on 5 hours of sleep before I feel like I need a nap.” Sam chuckles. “Well, Dean, we’re not getting any younger.”

Dean sits up in his chair, pointing an accusing finger at his brother. “Hey, you watch what you say. You better not be calling me _old_ . Because if there’s one thing that I will refuse to ever be called, it’s _old._ ” Sam raises his hands in defence. “No one’s calling you old.” Dean folds his arms, sitting back again, relaxed. “Good. Better not be.”

Sam heads towards the hall leading to the rooms. “I’m headed off to bed. You’re not the only one getting tired quicker. Night, Dean.” Dean nods. “Night Sammy.” Dean opens his laptop, pulling up Netflix and watching one of the comedy movies he had added to his list. Most of them are crap, but at least they can give Dean a few laughs. The one he chooses, however, is so boring that he falls asleep on the library table.

_The music is loud, and Dean is standing on the counter of the bar, singing and dancing his heart out to Living on a Prayer. He looks around, he points at Sam, shouting the words to the chorus. There’s a party light set up in the corner casting purple, blue and pink circles of light around the room. There are so many people that Dean knows sitting around him at the tables closest to the bar. Jody, Mary, Bobby and Ellen at a table to his left, and at a table next to them Jack, Claire, Alex, Jo and Ash. To his right, Crowley, Rowena and Gabriel, and right in front of him, Sam, Eileen, Charlie, Garth and Cas. They’re at Ellen’s Roadhouse, but it’s closed to everyone but the people who are there._

_Normally, Dean wouldn’t think much of this dream; he had lost many of these people and he always fears that he’ll lose the ones that are still alive. The way the dream, in any normal circumstance, would continue, would be that monsters would come and attack everyone or he would close and open his eyes, and everyone would be dead. But this time, none of that happened. Everyone was happily drinking, singing, talking, dancing in their seats, having fun._

_Dean, unaware he was only dreaming that he was drunk dancing on the bar, continued to experience the dream. When the song finishes, Rebel Rebel comes on. Apparently, this is a favourite song of dream Dean, because he gets down off of his stage to walk around and pull people out of their chairs to dance with him. Eventually, he makes his way over to Castiel, who, after blushing and refusing for about 10 seconds, gives in to what Dean wants from him._

_Dean brings him up to stand on the bar with him, they dance, Dean lifting the angel into the air a few times, once almost dropping him, then, about a third of the way through, someone yells at Dean that there’s only a minute left until the New Year. As the song reaches the instrumental part, everyone begins to count down from 10, and, instead of saying 0 when it’s reached, all shout “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” over the David Bowie song blaring from the old speakers._

_Instead of yelling in celebration with everyone else, however, Dean dips Cas, kissing him deeply. Cas smells like whiskey, (what Dean had started giving to him once he was too drunk to make any other drinks), and Vanilla Bean Dream, the cream and body wash that Cas uses._

_Dean doesn’t understand why he’s having this detailed dream about kissing his best friend. He doesn’t understand why he’s having a dream about New Year’s in April, or why Sam is with Eileen and not Jess. He doesn’t understand why they’re listening to David Bowie, why they’re in a place Dean hasn’t really thought about in years or why he’s able to acknowledge what Castiel smells like, but none of that really matters to him, because this is the first time in a very, very long time, that Dean hasn’t had a nightmare. This is the first good dream he’s had for months, and he wants to hold onto it as long as he can._

_After kissing Cas for at least 30 seconds, Dean hops off of the bar again, grabbing himself and the angel drinks for a toast. More Than A Feeling begins to play, but Dean walks over to the stereo to turn it down quiet enough for him to be able to speak. He climbs back atop the counter, raising his drink in the air, and wrapping an arm around Castiel’s waist, pulling the slightly smaller man into his side. “I’d like to make a toast! This is to all of you, our family, yeah, Crowley, even you, bitch. Like any family, we have our fights, but we’re always there for each other, even when we don’t think we are or don’t want to be. This is to all of you, in the New Year, we’re gonna kick some ass!”_

_Everyone cheers, but after a few moments, Dean is quieting everyone down again. “Wait, wait, everyone shut up one more minute. Cas and I have an announcement.” Cas looks at Dean, his smile turning to a concerned look and wide eyes. “Dean, n-” Dean raises his drink again. “We’re getting married!” Everyone cheers again, and Rowena stands, taking her coat. “It’s about bloody time!” She walks over to the bar, both Dean and Cas climb down and she smiles, hugging Cas._

_“Congratulations, sweetheart. Just so’s you know, there are still other, more deserving fish in the sea.” Cas rolls his eyes and smiles at her when she pulls away. “You and Gabriel are off, then?” She nods. “We better be invited to the weddin’?” Cas smiles. “Of course, you all are.”_

_Dean walks over to Sam’s table, and Sam gets up to hug him. “So, how’d you ask him?” Sam sits again, and the whole table is looking at him expectantly. “Yeah, Dean. How?” Charlie smiles, leaning on her hands, elbows propping her up on the table. “Well basically-” “Dean.” Cas rests a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Just a minute, angel I’m in the middle-” “Dean!” Dean turns to face him. “Cas, can you stop interrupting-”_

“Dean!?” Dean sits up abruptly in his chair, looking across the table to see Cas standing there, staring at him. “You fell asleep on the table, I thought you’d want to head to bed.” Dean sighs, stretching and yawning. “Yeah, I... I guess I should do that.”

Dean looks over Cas’ body, looking at his eyes, then his lips, then down to his chest and his waist. He shakes his head and rubs his eyes. That was just a weird dream. He just missed Cas because he’d been gone a while, and that’s how his brain was showing it, he rationalized. He stands, heading the same direction Sam had earlier that night, going to his room and laying down in his bed.


	2. The Great Snow Day, Dean Winchester

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam are little kids. It's a snow day, they have pancakes, play tag with their parents and some friends come over to go outside to play.

**April 2nd**

“I’m telling you Sammy, it was weird. It was like I was there.” Sam chuckles. “Okay, Dean.” Sam glances out the window for a minute before turning back to look at his brother. “So, I was with Eileen? Did you have a girlfriend?” Dean holds his breath, pursing his lips slightly. “No. I didn’t.” He wasn’t about to tell Sam that he was gay for Cas in this dream because he’d never hear the end of it. ‘If that’s how you feel you should tell him’ or ‘Dean I want you to know I don’t think any less of you blah blah blah’. “So, what about the other one? After Cas woke you up and you went to your actual bed?” Dean smiles. “Well, it was a snow day.”

_“Dean, sweetheart, there’s no school today. We got tons of snow in last night, even too much to drive in so your dad and I are staying home too.” Dean looks up from behind his mountain of blankets at his mother. She looks just as beautiful as ever, and she leans down to kiss his forehead. “I made pancakes for you and Sam, how about you go wake up your brother and bring him down to eat?” Dean nods happily, getting out of bed and running with his little legs next door to his brother’s room._

_“Sammy, it’s time for breakfast! I don’t have school today so mom made pancakes!” Dean shakes the tiny Sam awake from Dean’s old little race car bed. He smiles super big up at his older brother. “I’ll only come if you can catch me!” Sam jumps out of bed, running down the hall towards the stairs, giggling all the way. “Sam, wait!” Dean runs after him, laughing as well. By the time he reaches the bottom of the stairs, little Sam has been swept up into John’s arms. “Nice try, little guy, but you can’t get away that easy.” John sets him down in a seat at the kitchen table._

_Sam huffs and crosses his arms. “No fair! Dean had to catch me.” Dean walks up behind his little brother, putting his hands simultaneously on both of his shoulders. “Gotcha!” Sam screams quickly, then starts to erupt with giggles. Dean sits next to Sam, taking a few pancakes off of the stack. “Oh, Dean, Chuck called. His boys are coming over to play with you and Sam in the snow. He still has to go in to work, despite the weather, so Dad and I offered to watch them.” Mary smiles at her sons, and Sam cheers. “Yay! Yay! I love when they come over to play!” John and Mary share a smile. “We thought you would be excited.”_

_Once everyone was finished breakfast, Sam taps John on the shoulder and shouts “Tag! You’re it!” Then starts running and giggling once more. John smiles and points a finger while getting out of his seat. “Oh, Sammy, I’m gonna get you!” He chases after him, and Dean and Mary glance at each other, then also run to hide._

_Rushing around the corner, Dean almost runs straight into his father, who tags him. “You’re it!” Dean immediately turns around, chasing after his mom, but when they run past the front door and into the living room, the doorbell rings. “Oh, that must be them.” Mary walks back to get the door, and Dean tags her on her way. “Hey! Oh, you…” She smiles, ruffling his hair._

_“Chuck! So nice to see you.” She smiles and hugs him hello. Dean smiles as the two kids enter his home and begin to take off their snowsuits. “No, kids, leave those on. John walks into the room with Sam, smiling. “We’re gonna go have some fun outside.” Chuck smiles and waves at John. “Hey, thank you so much for looking after them. I know Castiel and Gabriel prefer coming here over going to the daycare.” Mary smiles. “Chuck, it’s really not a problem. Dean and Sam love having them here, they all make each other so happy.” He nods. “Yeah. Well, sadly, I have to get to work. I’ll see you kids later, okay?” Castiel and Gabriel both nod._

_After Sam and Dean get into their snowsuits, the four kids and Mary head into the backyard. At the top of the small hill that’s back there, a couple sleds are sitting up by the house. Dean takes Castiel’s hand and leads the slightly smaller boy over to the sleds._

_“Dean?” Cas says in a small voice, tugging on the sleeve of the other boy’s coat. “Yeah?” Dean turns away from trying to dig the sleds out from underneath the blanket of snow they had received the night and morning before. “Can we go on a toboggan together? I don’t want to go by myself.” Dean smiles. “Yeah, Cas. Of course we can.”_

_Dean takes the two-person sled and sets it down, holding the back. “Get in, Cassie, I’ll jump in the back and hold on to you while we go down.” Castiel nods, climbing into the front of the sled. “Mom, Dad, watch this!” Dean jumps into the back of the sleigh with full force, putting his arms around the waist of the boy in front of him. They race down the hill, and just before they crash into the fence, Dean pulls Cas off of the sled and into the snow. The sled hits the fence with a loud bang, and the two boys start to laugh._

_“That was so fun! I want to go again!” Dean nods. “We should go with our brothers this time, they’ll want turns too.”_

_The four kids continue to go up and down the hill for the remainder of the morning, Mary supervising, pulling the sleds back to the top and taking a few turns as well. Sam and Gabe complain about being cold, so they all go in and sit in the living room under blankets. Mary puts on a Scooby-Doo movie for them, then heads to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate and grilled cheese sandwiches._

_After they eat and drink their hot chocolate, Cas ends up falling asleep on Dean, who wraps the blankets more around him to make sure he’s warm enough. Sam and Gabe fall asleep too, and so Dean finishes the movie by himself._

“So you had a dream about New Years and all of us getting drunk and then a dream about us as kids, but we were friends with Cas and Gabe? And why was Gabriel the younger brother, wouldn’t he be the older one?” Dean shrugs at Sam’s question. “I dunno man. All I know is it made me want pancakes so that’s why I brought you to the diner.” Sam chuckles. “So, what, grilled cheese and hot chocolate for lunch?” Dean laughs as well. “Sounds great.”


	3. Guardian Angel, Grab Some Popcorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas notices Dean having a nightmare, and decides to observe what is happening to decide if he should wake him or not. Dean dreams that Sam is in ICU after getting badly injured on a hunt.

**April 3rd**

Castiel passes the door to Dean’s room, but stops short when he hears him moving around in his sleep. “Dean?” he says quietly, gently pushing open the door. He frowns as he discovers that Dean appears to be having a bad dream again, but does as he usually does, sitting on the bed next to him, watching over him, and most importantly, being there for when he wakes up. 

Usually, Cas would never snoop on someone’s dream, but he was really curious as to what was particularly upsetting about this dream, so he decided to take a peek.

_ Dean hurriedly parks the Impala, then hops out, rushing through the front doors of the Lebanon General Hospital. He walks briskly down the halls until he reaches room 7 in the ICU. He sighs as he looks through the glass in the door at his dying brother. He softly pushes open the door. “Hey, Sammy. It’s me. Cas is trying to make it with Mom and Jack, they’re two states away but he’s driving as fast as he can to get here for you.” He slowly makes his way to the bed as he speaks, pulling up a chair that was sitting next to the side table. _

Cas sighs. He shouldn’t be doing this, but he continues.

_ “I am so sorry, Sam. Things weren’t supposed to go this way.” Dean gazes over the scratches and bruises that are across Sam’s face and neck, most likely continuing down the rest of his body. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.” Dean puts his head in his hands, running them across his face for a moment before looking back at his brother. He takes Sam’s hand in his own, and he feels tears begin to form in his eyes. “I shouldn’t have let you come. You weren’t strong enough yet.” _

_ Dean sits in silence with the beeping of the machines and the sound of his brother breathing through tubes for nearly an hour before the doctor comes in, softly knocking, then resting a gentle hand on the shoulder of the older Winchester. “I need to speak with you about your brother’s condition.” _

_ Dean feels his stomach churn at the doctor’s words, but he lets her lead him into the hallway. “I’m going to be completely honest with you. I don’t want to give you a false sense of hope.” Dean nods, reaching a hand up to cover his mouth. “Your brother most likely won’t last until sunset. He suffered severe head trauma and we can’t give him any more blood transfusions because he is bleeding internally, so it would do more harm than good. All that can be done for him right now is for you to be by his side. Keep talking to him, let him know you’re there and that everything will be alright.” With every word that comes from her mouth, Dean feels his heart ache more and more. “Yeah.” Is all he’s able to say before he walks away from her and down the hall. _

_ He stops at a water fountain, taking a long drink before he is tapped on the shoulder. He jumps, spinning around and grabbing the person who had tapped him. “Dean, Dean. It’s me. It’s ok.” Castiel says, reassuringly. “I drove as fast as I could. Your mother is with Sam, she sent me to find you. His eyes are open.” Dean looks at Cas with wide eyes, then heads quickly back to his brother’s room, Castiel close behind him. _

_ Sam’s eyes are lidded, but open slightly. Mary had taken Dean’s chair, and her hand was now the one holding Sam’s. Jack is standing behind her. Dean takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “Sammy, we’re all here. Everything’s gonna be okay.” He softly pats Sam on the knee. “Yes, everything is going to be alright.” Cas takes a seat in a chair on the other side of the bed.  _

_ After about half an hour of the four talking to Sam, his eyes close again, and the machines start beeping more than they were before. The heart monitor shows the beat of his heart slow quickly until it’s just a line. They all look at him sadly. “Goodbye Sammy.” Dean squeezes the same knee he had pat earlier. “I just wish I could have done-” “No, Cas.” Dean stands, walking out of the room, and down the halls back towards the entrance to the hospital. _

_ Cas follows him closely behind. “Dean, wait.” Dean continues walking, but slows his pace slightly. The angel catches up to him, grabbing his arm. “This isn’t your fault.” Cas stops him and looks him deeply in the eyes. _

Dean wakes up, sitting up quickly, then looking over to see the angel right next to him as he had been in the dream. “Are you okay? I came to sit in here because you sounded like you were in distress in your sleep. I wanted to make sure you were-” “I’m fine, Cas.” He sighs, laying back down and turning away from the angel. “It’s morning, Dean.” The hunter shakes his head. “Not until I say it is.” He sighs deeply. Right back to the nightmares. Why did he think it would be any different?


	4. Drag It Up, Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie takes Dean and Sam/Jessica to a gay bar for her birthday, Castiel is a drag queen who is performing at the bar that Charlie decided on.

**April 4th**

“Come on, Dean. I just want to have the experience. The concert was fun, I would like to experience other things that humans normally do.” Dean shakes his head and continues driving out of the city. “Okay, first off, concerts are normal. That’s not. Second, I’m straight, Cas. I am not going to go to a gay bar. I don’t want people thinking I’m gay or have any dudes hitting on me.” He shifts slightly, looking in the mirror at the angel, who is seated in the back. Castiel frowns at Dean’s response. “Who cares what other people think? It’s none of their business.” “Yeah, and who says anyone would hit on you?” Sam retorts to Dean’s ignorance. Dean blushes and bites the inside his lip in embarrassment.“We have to get back to the bunker. Mom and Jack are waiting for us, they have a couple cases, and they made dinner.” The car is completely silent for the rest of the ride. 

“We’re home!” Sam shouts from the top of the stairs. Dean walks ahead, going straight to the kitchen to grab food. Mary smiles at him. “Hey, you guys have a good time?” They had gone out to a concert. Dean doesn’t say anything, he just takes some food and goes straight to his room. 

Sam and Castiel walk into the kitchen shortly after Dean leaves, both smiling. “What was his problem?” Mary asks as she gives Sam a hug. “Nothing.” He sighs, and smiles at Jack. “Hey, bud, how are you feeling?” He asks, taking a seat across from him. “Castiel, will you tell me what happened?” Cas shrugs. “I think he’s upset with me. I tried to apologize when we were almost home but he just told me to ‘shut it’.” he does air quotes around the last two words.

Dean sits in bed with his headphones on, listening to his music way too loudly. After he eats, he lays back, falling asleep with Stairway To Heaven playing. 

_ ‘And she’s buying a stairway to Heaven’. Dean shuts the car off. “Alright, Charlie. We’re here. Sam texted me, him and Jess are already inside, they have a table for us near the stage.” The red-haired girl smiles and throws her arms around Dean. “Thank you so much for agreeing to come. I know that it’s probably kind of weird for you..” Dean shakes his head. “Nah, it’s fine. I want you to have a good birthday, and if this is what you want to do, then this is what we do.”  _

_ The two get out of the Impala, heading toward the entrance of the bar. Dean takes a deep breath before the two walk through the doors and are greeted by loud music and talking, like any normal bar. The stage has shiny red curtains and Dean spies his giraffe of a brother almost immediately. Charlie and Dean walk over and sit in the other two chairs at the table.  _

_ “Hey, Charlie! Happy birthday!” Sam leans over and gives her a hug. “Thanks, Sam!” Jess smiles and waves at her. “Happy birthday, sweetheart! Sam and I got you something, I was gonna bring it but Sam made me leave it at home, we’ll have to drop it off tomorrow.” Charlie smiles. “Aw, you guys.” She smiles and sets her hand on top of Jess’ a moment as a silent ‘thank you’.  _

_ Suddenly, a man comes out onto the stage, and he sets down a microphone stand. “Good evening, everyone!” Everyone cheers. “It is time for our first of two drag queens that we have performing tonight!” More cheering and clapping. “Our first queen is a regular performer here, I know that quite a few of you familiar faces know her personally, and for you new faces in the crowd, you are certainly in for a treat!” He smiles in the direction of Dean’s table, causing him to blush. This guy really knew his patrons. Well that’s enough of me blabbering on, it’s about time I introduce… Angel!”  _

_ There is more cheering while the queen emerges onto the stage. She is wearing a gorgeous blue sparkling gown and a halo that actually appears to be floating above her head, it too is sparkling, as well as glowing a faint white. As she walks across the stage, Angel by Madonna begins to play. She walks up to the front of the stage, gracefully dancing while lip syncing to it. _

_ Dean can’t take his eyes off of her. She’s absolutely stunning, and there’s something about her that seems so incredibly familiar. He continues to watch her move gracefully around the stage, until he realizes-- it’s Cas. _

_ Suddenly, right at the end of the buildup to the second chorus, Angel, or… Castiel, rips the skirt and neck piece off, tossing them to the side of the stage to reveal a sparkling bodysuit, and some of the most amazing legs he has ever seen. _

_ Dean realizes at this point that he must be dreaming, because there is no way in hell, or in heaven, that this could be happening, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t take control of the dream to look away, and he keeps having thoughts that are out of his control as well. For example, no matter how hard he tries to look away, he continues watching every single movement Castiel makes, and no matter how much he tries thinking of anything else, all of his thoughts stem back to the fact that he looks unbearably attractive, and he wants to cuff him to some bedposts and fuck that beautiful halo off of his pretty little head. _

_ “Charlie, you… come here often. Do you know her as a guy?” Dean doesn’t even look over at her as he asks the question. “Yeah, actually. I know him outside of this scene too. We go to the same book club.” Dean nods, and he almost swoons when Angel begins to speak. “Hey, everyone! How are you all doing tonight?” Everyone cheers. “That’s wonderful.” _

_ She looks around the audience, obviously trying to find someone. “Where is she… that bookish red-head…” Charlie laughs, raising her hands in the air. “Charlie! I thought you’d be here tonight. How’s your birthday been, beautiful?” She smiles brightly, shouting back “Great so far!” over the other noise of the bar. Angel smiles. “Glad to hear it! Just so everyone knows, the cute girl at the front is single, but if you even think about anything you’re gonna have to go through me first, you hear me?” She points around the audience at a few cheering lesbians.  _

_ “To be completely honest I’m sure she is far more capable of handling herself than I am of trying to protect her, but the guys she’s sitting with definitely look capable…” He looks Dean up and down. “And… willing…” she takes a step closer, and people are starting to laugh. “And… delicious.” The crowd erupts into laughter and cheers as Angel walks to the edge of the stage.  _

_ “What’s your name, handsome?” she’s looking straight at Dean, and he blushes as well as squirms in his seat slightly. “Dean. Dean Winchester.” He says confidently, not only surprising himself, but clearly the rest of his table. Angel raises her eyebrows, smirking, looking around at the audience. “Oooh, well, Dean Winchester, I’d like to find out what your middle name is in my dressing room later.” Angel winks, and Dean laughs nervously while the rest of the bar continues to laugh and applaud. Charlie nudges Dean, who turns to look at her with a prominent blush settled on his cheeks. _

_ “Okay, okay. Enough about them, time for another song.” Angel walks into the middle of the stage, looks back towards Dean, then Heaven Is A Place On Earth start to play. As she begins to dance again, Dean wonders to himself if Cas could dance like that outside of this dream. Angel seems to be having so much fun, prancing around the stage, lip syncing her heart out. Dean finds it mesmerizing; she can look so incredibly beautiful, and then in real life… no. what is he thinking? _

And with that, the dream is over, and Dean opens his eyes to see that someone had come in to remove his headphones and turn off the lamp on the side table. “Cas…” Dean sighs as he sits up, turning the lamp back on. His room is spotless, the plate from dinner gone from the table, the clothes that were on the ground gone, he was actually under the blankets, which he doesn’t remember doing, and his laptop and headphones are neatly set on his dresser. All Dean can help to think is that Castiel deserves a friend so much better than someone like him.

He relaxes again, then begins to think about Charlie. The other, undisclosed reason Dean had for not wanting to go to a gay bar. Well, that and the fact that he didn’t want to be forced into reconsidering his sexuality, especially not in front of Sam and Cas. He looks at the clock, finding that it’s already morning, which makes sense, considering the time they got home last night. He decides to get up, and heads into the kitchen to grab some breakfast.


	5. The Dog’s Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up in a sweat after running through a dark forest from two hellhounds.

**April 5th**

Dean tosses and turns, his breathing is heavy and he’s sweating through the sheets. He wakes up with a jolt, and it takes him a few moments to get his breathing under control. Sam jogs up to his door, pushing it open to see Dean with a horrified look on his face. “It was so real, Sammy.” Sam looks at him concern and fear for his brother written across his face. He shuts the door behind him, sitting on the side of Dean’s bed. “What happened?”

_ It’s dark, Dean is in the woods, a flashlight in one hand, angel blade in the other. He’s walking slowly, the blade out in front of him. His heart is pounding as if he had just been running, but his breathing is fairly steady. He can’t grasp the emotion he’s feeling, but he knows fear is part of it. _

_ Suddenly, there is a noise behind him. He spins around as fast as he can, but nothing is there. “Here, puppy. Come and get me.” He realizes he’s wearing glasses, immediately connecting the pieces to figure out the situation. He is hunting a hellhound, probably like the one of Lucifer’s that got loose, and he’s about to come face to face with it. He slowly moves toward the noise before hearing another to his left only seconds later. “What the hell?” He changes direction, only to hear noise again back to his right.  _

_ His heart rate increases further when two dogs emerge on either side of him, and, being given no other option, he starts to run. The trees practically fly past him, and he runs as fast and as hard as he can until he trips over something hard and tumbles down a steep hill. His shoulder hits a rock on his way down, and he can’t help but shout out in pain. When he reaches the bottom, he struggles to get up, pain radiating from his foot and shoulder, but he pushes on. The hounds carefully make their way down after him, but give Dean a bit of a lead. _

_ Dean’s speed has decreased substantially, and for a little while he doesn’t realize why he feels so dizzy until he looks down and notices that his shoulder wasn’t out of place, but that it had been badly sliced open and the muscle had been torn. Though alarmed at the discovery that he is bleeding profusely and has temporarily lost the use of his right arm at a time when all limbs are nessicary, Dean manages to find the strength and will to press on for a few hundred more feet before collapsing.  _

_ He glances behind himself to discover that the hellhounds are quickly gaining on him, and that even if he got up to start running again, they would catch him before he could get to the safety of his car. He decides on standing his ground and fighting for as long as he can. He takes out his phone, calling Sam, who picks up almost immediately. _

_ “Dude, where are-” “Sammy, listen; put me on speaker, quick.” He pauses for a second, leaving time for his request to be fulfilled. “Okay, done, what’s happening?” “There are two, I’m hurt, and I’m probably not gonna make it. I just want you guys to know, I-” He doesn’t have time to finish his sentence before he feels giant paws on his back, knocking the air out of his lungs and, when he falls to the ground, the glasses off of his face. He manages to quickly turn over before being pounced on, and he yells out in pain as the dog drags one of it’s paws down his chest, leaving the other one to rest on his already injured shoulder.  _

_ “Dean?!” Sam yells through the phone. “Dean, where are you?!” Castiel demands, but Dean can’t answer. He manages to grab the angel blade and kill the hound that was attacking him, but then he remembers that there’s another one, and he can’t see it anymore because he lost his glasses. He lies still on his back, gripping the blade as tightly as he can.  _

_ “Dean, please. Answer me.” It’s Castiel again, and it sounds like he’s losing hope. “Cas,” He manages, blood pooling in his mouth. He coughs some onto the ground beside him, then wincing in pain. “I’m sorry.” He hears Cas and Sam yelling for him over the phone as he feels the dagger-like claws of the remaining hellhound tear into his legs. He screams in pain as the dog makes it’s way up his body, tearing him apart like he had been the first time he died. He feels the life drain out of him with the massive amounts of blood, and his last though is that he should have listened to Crowley. _

“They just.. they tore me apart.” Dean sits there, the images of his blood pouring out if himself both from the dream and in real life stuck flashing through his mind. “That didn’t feel like a dream. I’ve been dreaming consistently every night and all of them have felt real but I felt real, really real pain in that one, Sammy. I thought I was dying.” Sam frowns, his eyebrows furrowing. “I think you need a case, Dean. You’ve been spending too much time thinking.” Dean nods. “Yeah, you’re right. I have. Let's go find a case.” He gets out of bed, heading down the hall and into the library.


	6. The Pit of Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds himself in the bottom of a deep pit, where he had fallen during a hunt.

**April 7th**

Sam and Cas look at each other after staring across the table at Dean, who is covered in vamp juice, and eating a burger. “Dean, maybe you should take a shower.” Sam suggests, but Dean just continues to eat his burger. “In a minute. I’m hungry.” He says through a mouth full of food. The other two men look at each other again, and Cas shrugs. 

A few minutes later, Dean finishes his burger and heads off in the direction of the bathroom and bedrooms. Sam looks at the angel again, then down at his hands, clasped on the table in front of him. He clears his throat, then speaking quietly. “I’m worried about him.” He looks into Castiel’s eyes. “I am too. These dreams recently have been rather hard on him.” Cas frowns, looking off in thought. “I’m going to stay with him tonight.” He declares, standing and taking away the garbage Dean had left from his dinner. “Good.” Sam nods, concern still apparent in his expression as he looks back down at his hands.

Dean steps out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and looking over himself in the mirror. He looks at the scars that mark his shoulders and arms, thinking about the fact that even though he has these scars, at least he still has his life. When he steps out into the hall, he nearly runs straight into Castiel.

“Jesus, Cas! Were you listening to me take a shower?” He looks at Cas like he’s a pervert, and pushes past him, going to his room. Cas just stands there, very confused. Dean had never treated him like this before, he was used to Cas just existing around him constantly. Castiel had been greeted by a half naked Dean walking out of the bathroom after a shower many times, but this was the first time that Dean had actually freaked out on him because of it.

Dean puts on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, then climbs into bed. He doesn’t really want to sleep because of what happened last time, but if Cas comes to confront him, he sure as hell doesn’t want to be awake.

_ Dean opens his eyes, but everything is dark, the figures he can make out are blurred, and his breathing is painful as if he had just fallen a long way onto his back. His ribs ache and his lungs feel empty. “Dean?!” He hears his brother’s distant voice in his ringing ears. He blinks as a light is shone down on him, it too is quite distant but it hurts his eyes nonetheless. He tries sitting up, but with the pain shooting through his back, he gasps, slowly falling back, wincing in pain as he does so. His head begins to pound, and his vision blurs more again. “Dean, are you okay?” He hears Castiel’s voice better than his brothers, but it’s still far away. _

_ “S-am!” He manages, pain continuing to radiate from his ribs and spine, but his voice is far too quiet. Sam keeps the light on his brother. “Dean, the rope broke, I don’t know how we’re gonna get you back up.” He hears his brother’s voice again, and he closes his eyes. He lifts an arm to rest under his head to find that he’s bleeding, which wasn’t a huge surprise. Cas had told the Winchester brothers that this was a bad idea, he recalls, but when was it ever like them to listen? Of course it was Dean to go, the risk was even worse with Sam’s height putting more strain on the rope. _

_ Dean tries sitting again, this time managing, leaning on his arms to prop himself up rather than the muscles in his back, horribly bruised from the fall. Dizziness flows over him, he has to close his eyes to keep from vomiting. Once composed again, he looks up at the dangling rope, broken above him. It’s blurry, and the light is hurting his eyes, but he must’ve fallen at least 15 feet. “Sam-Sammy!” He calls again, using all of his strength to do so. “Dean! Are you okay?!” Sam moves closer to the edge of the giant hole in the ground. “Barely.” He knows Sam doesn’t hear him, but Dean doesn’t make an effort to change that.  _

_ He wants to try and stand, but he knows it’ll be incredibly painful, and there’s a good chance he’ll end up back on the ground with how dizzy he was from just sitting up. “If I get more rope, do you think I could pull you up?” Sam calls down at Dean, and he goes to shake his head, but winces at the pain just moving it from side to side caused him. “No, just.. go.” He shouts up at the two other men. He doesn’t want to put them in danger trying to save him when he can’t be saved. They should just come back in the morning.  _

_ “Dean, we’re not just going to leave you here.” His brother’s voice sounds disappointed, and Dean feels bad about the circumstance, but he can’t even think of how incredibly painful trying to hold himself up while being hoisted by a rope would be in his condition. “Go. Please.” He yells up again, slowly laying down on his left side, the side that hurts a little less. _

_ The ground is cold and hard, it’s stone, and there are a few stalagmite-looking stones around him. He looks forward to see a cave opening, mentally sighing as that is where he was supposed to go. He brings his arms to his chest, shivering slightly, and closes his eyes. He hears Cas yell for his brother, sounding alarmed. He looks up as best he can, but he can’t see anything from the angle he’s at. He decides calling out isn’t a good idea, and lies there quietly, straining his ears to try and make out any conversation. _

_ “No… no, I can’t lose you too.” He manages to hear Castiel say, and feels a whole new pain at the connotations those words carry. Suddenly, he hears a gasp and a shout, then sees the angel fall to the ground beside him, someone else on top of him. He tries lifting his arms to defend himself, but the monster tears him apart. It’s a werewolf, but it tears into his throat, shoulders, chest. Once the wolf moves away from Castiel’s throat, his head lolls to the side, and Dean stares into his empty eyes.  _

Dean’s eyes flicker open, and he flicks on the light on his side table, rubbing a hand over his face. Once his eyes adjust to the light, he notices Cas laying next to him, a hand slightly gripping Dean’s shirt, and for whatever reason, he’s asleep. Dean sighs, sinking back into the bed, just as tense as he was before. He takes a deep breath, going over the dream again quickly in his head. 

Just another nightmare. 

Just from hunting. 

Just sleep.

Goddammit.

Dean slowly gets out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping angel, and makes his way to the kitchen to get a drink.


	7. Daddy's Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean dreams about Lisa and Ben, in a world where Sam never got brought back from the cage. Cas, desperate, calls Dean asking for safety. Dean gets upset that he would compromise the safety of Lisa and Ben to give the angel a place to hide for a little while.

**April 8th**

“Dean, you  can talk to us, you know that, right?” Sam asks as he and the angel stand in the doorway, looking on at Dean who is seated at the kitchen table, crunching on the last bit of his cereal. He stares into the bowl of milk, swirling the spoon around inside. He refuses to say anything to either of them about anything. These dreams are similar but also so incredibly different than the dreams he is used to having, and he’s not exactly willing to share the details. Cas frowns at Dean’s silence. 

“You said this one wasn’t a nightmare, why did it make you so upset?”

_ Dean pulls into the driveway of the beautiful suburban home with a feeling of happiness and peace in his chest. He hops out of the car, grabs a couple bags of groceries from the backseat, then heads to the door, opening it and smiling at the child that runs up and greet him. “Hey, kiddo! How was your baseball practice?” The child throws his arms up in celebration. “I got the winning hit! I got a double and Jack got home and mom got all of it on video!” He sounds ecstatic, and this makes Dean even impossibly happier.  _

_ They walk to the kitchen together, Dean setting the bags of food on the counter. “That’s awesome, Ben! How about you get your mom’s phone and show me after we get these groceries put away?” Ben grabs a couple things out of the bag closest to him. “Sure!” The two hurriedly put the food away, and just as they finish, Ben’s mom walks in. She’s wearing a soft, cream, knitted sweater, and she’s holding a cup of tea. “Lisa.” Dean says warmly, but inside, he feels really nervous.  _

_ Dean crosses the kitchen, pulling her into a gentle kiss, which is quickly interrupted by Ben asking for Lisa’s phone. “For the video?” She pulls it out, opening her camera roll and tapping on the video. She shows Dean, it’s a beautiful shot, straight through the hole between shortstop and second base. The kid standing on third that Dean recognizes as Jack runs as fast as he can home and Ben doesn’t even have to make it to second base for Dean to know he would have gotten a double or maybe even a triple if they fumbled the ball if he would have had to continue running. Dean looks down at Ben, smiling, and raising a hand. “Dude, high five! That was awesome!” They high five, all smiling about the video, but a few seconds later, Dean’s phone begins to ring. _

_ He takes it out of his pocket to see that it’s a payphone, and sighs. “I have to take this, sorry, Ben. I’ll be right back.” Ben frowns as Dean walks out of the kitchen and into the office, closing the door behind him. “Cas, what is it now?” His voice is no more than a whisper, and it becomes clear that he’s keeping the initiator of these phone calls a secret. “Hello, Dean.” The sound of the angel’s voice calms him slightly. He always worries that one day it won’t be him on the other end of the line. “I was wondering if you might have somewhere I could stay for a little while.” _

_ Dean closes his eyes, letting a long breath out of his nose. “Cas, you can’t just-” “I know. But  _ _ you _ _ know I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t desperate. If you don’t have anywhere, could you spare money for a motel for a few days? I-” His voice seems very worried, and it’s bothering Dean. Cas just can’t stay out of trouble without him, can he? “You’re still human, aren’t you?” Cas sighs. “I can’t get my grace back, Dean. I’ve been trying for a year, and Raphael hasn’t changed. He told the angels to stop, but they don’t listen. They seem to think that despite my wanting nothing more to do with Heaven now that Raphael is acting as leader that I continue to pose a threat. I’ve been followed for days, Dean. I don’t want to kill them, and it is difficult to fight them as I’m so much weaker now. Dean I don’t…” “Hey, Cas. I’m not letting anything happen to you. Where are you right now?”  _

_ There is a pause before Cas answers. “I’m in Sioux Falls. I was going to see Bobby if you said no.” Dean rolls his eyes, then closing them, and running a hand over his face. He misses Cas so much, and he wants to see him so badly, but he can’t hide the way he feels about Cas in front of Lisa. He loves Lisa and Ben, but Cas just means something special to him. He doesn’t want her to get the wrong idea, he doesn’t want to ruin things, but- “Go to Bobby’s. Told him I sent you to get a plain car, and three sets of plates.” “Dean, I didn’t mean-” “No. You’re going to drive for two and a half hours, stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere, change the plates, and do that until you’re on your last set of plates and you get here to Cicero.” “Dean I can’t stay with-” “Just shut up and listen to me, Castiel. Don’t come straight to my house, I want you to stop at a park, and I’ll pick you up from there. You’re going to stay at my place, and we aren’t telling Lisa or Ben anything about you. We’re telling them you’re an old friend that really needs a place to stay for a few days. I’ll ward everything while Lisa and Ben are out of the house tomorrow. You aren’t staying any longer than a week.” Dean hears the door creak open, and glances over his shoulder to see Ben. “Got that?” Castiel nods, then realizes that Dean can’t see him. “Yes.” “Okay, good. Don’t get seen.”  _

_ He hangs up the phone, then turns around and smiles brightly again at Ben. “Hey, Ben…” There’s an awkward silence for a moment before Dean decides to ask “How much did you-” “Who’s Castiel?” Ben says quietly as he closes the door behind himself. “He’s a friend. I haven’t seen him in a while.” Ben takes a step closer. “What’s warding?” Dean sighs, turning away and running a hand over his face again. “It’s nothing.” Ben walks around so he’s in front of Dean again. “Why does he have to change plates? Is he on the run?” Dean looks away from him. “Not in the way you’d think.” He sighs again, massaging his temples with his right hand while his right rests on his hip.  _

_ “What did he do?” Dean looks over at the child that he had sworn to himself he would keep out of all of this. “His family thinks that he’s going to hurt them, when that’s the exact opposite of what he wants. He just wants them to get along, but now they’re trying to punish him for what they’re assuming.” Ben raises an eyebrow. “So they’re chasing him across the country?” Dean turns and leans against the desk in the middle of the room. “Yeah.” _

_ Lisa softly taps on the door. Dean bites the inside of his lip. “Come in.” She opens it, smiling. “I was just about to get dinner ready, what were you two interested in?” Ben looks over at Dean, who gestures to Ben. “You should pick, buddy. You won the game for your team tonight!” Ben smiles as best he can, and Lisa raises her eyebrows at Ben, still smiling brightly. “How about… chicken pot pie?” Ben looks at Dean, who smiles. “Sounds delicious.” Lisa nods. “Why don’t you two watch a movie or something while I cook?” _

The rest of the dream was much of the same, but Dean had this feeling when he had woken up that in this universe, Castiel never brought Sam back. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it without leaving Sam’s soul behind, so he had decided against it. What made him so upset, he thought to himself, was that Dean was just going to let Cas stay with him, Lisa and Ben when he had the God squad hot on his tail. He was mad that he lied to Ben and Lisa straight to their faces. He was putting them in almost certain danger, and he wasn’t going to give them so much as a warning about it. 


	8. Degeneration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epidemic breaks out across the world and everyone, including angels, are dying from it. Dean has to take difficult actions.

**April 9th**

Dean is whimpering in his sleep, a distressed look on his face. Cas tries as hard as he can to wake him up, but it’s no use. He goes to get Sam, maybe he’ll know a trick or two. When he comes back, Dean is only tossing slightly, but he almost looks like he’s crying, and Sam frowns. “I’ve never seen him like  this …” He leans down, trying to wake his brother. “He’ll toss and turn, yeah, but usually he looks angry. He looks so...” “Sad?” Cas sits on the other side of Dean from where Sam is attempting to wake him. “I feel something is happening, Sam.” They look each other in the eyes. “I have a bad feeling you’re right.”

**An Hour Ago**

“Night.” Dean walks past his brother in the library, where he’s sitting and reading. “Night, Dean.” Dean is almost out of the room when the sound of Sam’s voice stops him. “Hey,” he closes the book, marking his spot with a finger. Dean turns around, facing him. “What’s up?” Sam clears his throat. “I uh, wanted to ask if you’re in a fight with Cas? He wanted me to ask you because he thinks you’re not speaking to him…” Dean looks down at the floor, then back up at his moose of a brother, shaking his head. “We’re fine. Night, Sammy.”

He heads down the hall to his room, flopping onto his bed. He crawls under the covers, laying on his side. He feels bad knowing that Cas thought Dean was upset with him, but surely Dean would have said something about finding him next to him when he had woken up two nights before if he had a problem with him. Why couldn’t Cas say something himself? He sighs, unsure of when he falls asleep because he couldn’t shut his mind off.

_ “This is a disaster. This could be world-ending.” Castiel paces back and forth in Bobby’s library, Dean, Sam and Bobby seated around the rest of the room. Bobby at his desk, Dean on the couch by the window and Sam in a backwards chair that he took from the kitchen in the doorway that bridges those two rooms. “We can’t go outside, it’s too dangerous.” Castiel continues to pace, and Bobby shakes his head. “We don’t even have enough food to last us into next week, boy. We’re gonna need to get more.” At this, Dean stands. “I’ll go.” He heads  towards the kitchen, but Cas rests a hand on his chest. “If anything, I’d be the one to go, Dean.” _

_ Dean grabs the angel’s hand and pushes him away. “Why? It’s not like you’re any less susceptible to this than us! You said you saw two of your brothers  _ _ die _ _ from it, Cas.” Cas takes a step forward, pushing Dean back down onto the couch. “And I’ve seen  _ _ countless _ _ humans die from it, Dean. I’m not letting you go out there.” Castiel stands over the hunter, glaring down at him.  _

_ “Would you two knock it off?!” Bobby shouts at the two, standing from his desk. Sam sits up in his chair. “Yeah, guys. Stop. We’ll figure out who’s gonna go in time. But I think we should all eat first. I’ll go make us something.” Sam puts his hands on the back of the chair, pushing on it to stand. When he goes to lift his leg over to the other side of the chair, he stumbles, wincing as he falls to the floor.  _

_ “Sam!” Dean jumps out of his seat, practically body-checking Castiel to get to his brother. “I’m.. I’m okay just..” Sam pushes himself up into a sitting position. “I just lost my balance.” The other three men look at Sam anxiously as he attempts to stand with seemingly great difficulty. “Sam, are you sure you’re alright?” Cas questions, standing at his other side as an emergency aid. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He rests a hand on Dean’s shoulder, squeezing it tightly as he takes a step back towards the chair where he takes a seat again. _

_ He winces as he sits down, so Castiel decides to put a hand to Sam’s head to check what’s wrong with him. His face becomes filled with concern. “No…” Cas’s hand drops to his side, and the Winchesters look at him questioningly. “No.. no what, Cas?” Dean’s eyebrows knit together, his eyes filled with worry. The angel’s expression saddens and he shakes his head. “He’s infected.” He takes a step towards the window, gazing out across Bobby’s backyard. _

_ “How-- how did… what?” Dean’s eyes grow sad and angry. “Can’t you do anything?” Cas looks back over at Dean, staring into his eyes, and frowns. “ _ _ Anything _ _?” Cas looks down at the ground. Dean looks over at Bobby who just has a solemn look on his face. “Son of a BITCH!” He swipes some books off of Bobby’s desk. Then, he walks over to the wall and punches a dent in it. _

_ “Dean, I don’t think that that’s necess-” “Shut up, Cas.” He says it through gritted teeth, taking a few steps back and heading out of the room through the other doorway. He leans up against the wall outside, listening to the conversation of the three men left in the room. _

_ “How long do you think I have, Cas?” _

_ “No more than a week, and even if it is that long, it will be continuously more painful.” _ _   
_ _ “Can you tell if someone has it before they start showing the symptoms?” Bobby asks, the same solemnity in his tone. _

_ “It is possible, yes. The likelihood of all of us having it already is very high, but I can check everyone. I’m afraid, however, I will not know for myself until I show symptoms.” _

_ “Would you check me, then?” He hears footsteps shortly after Bobby poses the question, and a heavy sigh only moments after that.  _

_ “It is affecting you as we speak. It appears to be happening much faster with you than with Sam.” _

_ “Damn. Never thought this is how we’d all go.” _

_ “Me neither.” He hears his brother’s voice, a short exhale through his nose coming before the words.  _

_ “As an ancient celestial being, despite being a soldier, I never thought that I would die. I am, for all intensive purposes, immortal. That is, until something comes along that is strong enough to kill me.” _

_ Dean walks back around the corner as his brother speaks. “I always knew I’d die, probably horribly… but… I thought it would be to a nest of vamps or a pack of werewolves or a demon that was just too powerful, or, hell… I thought I was going to die to Lucifer, but…” He gestures to his legs. “This…”  _

_ “I’m gonna look through every goddamn book in this house to find a cure for this if it is the last friggin’ thing I do.” Dean walks over to a bookshelf and scans the titles. Cas walks over, resting a hand on the hunter’s shoulder. “Dean.” He goes to squeeze, to find he is not nearly as strong as he used to be. “It’s not much use. You don’t have enough time.” Dean turns to look the angel dead in the eyes. “Did you not hear me? I said if it’s the  _ _ last _ _ thing I do.” _

_ Dean shrugs Castiel’s hand off of his shoulder and bends down to look at more books, pulling a few off of the shelf. He hands one out to everyone. “Read.” He seats himself back on the couch by the window where he had been sitting earlier, opening up one of the books he had taken. _

_ They all read in silence for a while, before Sam sits up slightly in his chair, clearing his throat. “I’m starting to get pretty hungry. Could we stop for a bit to have some food?” Dean finishes the paragraph he was on before standing and heading to the kitchen, book still in hand. “I’ll make sandwiches. Everyone else, keep reading.” He heads to the fridge, focusing on making the food as quickly as possible. _

_ Dean is fairly certain that himself in the dream doesn’t quite catch the background conversation as he seems to have no reaction, but as he becomes aware he is dreaming, he can hear Castiel speaking in hushed tones to Sam. “There is no discovered cure for this, Sam. I think it would be best.” _

Sam sighs deeply, unable to wake his brother from whatever nightmare is playing for him right now, even after trying for almost half an hour. “I can’t watch this anymore. I’m gonna head back to bed.” Castiel nods, shifting closer to Dean. He takes one of Dean’s hands in two of his own, once Sam is gone, lifting it to his lips. 

_ Bobby soon chimes in with “I agree with chicken wings.” Dean turns around briefly to see his brother attempt standing again before falling into Castiel’s arms, which should have been a good thing, except for the fact that Castiel is losing his strength too, and now he only has enough to catch what his human body is capable of, and Sam is most definitely more than that. The two fall to the ground in the middle of the room, Sam falling on top of the angel. _

_ Dean steps away from the food to rush over to the two men, to find Castiel struggling to breathe. “Cas, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” Cas takes short, pained breaths, wincing with every rise of his chest. “I was more- heavily affected- than I once thought.” He tries to lift a hand, managing to prop his arm against Dean’s knee, he rubs his thumb back and forth reassuringly. “I’m- unsure why it- is affecting us so rapidly.” Dean takes a fistful of Castiel’s shirt, leaning down closer to him. “You’re gonna be fine, I’m gonna figure this out. We’ll…” Tears well in his eyes as he speaks. “We’ll fix you.” _

_ The angel shakes his head. “No, Dean.” He attempts to take a bit of a longer breath, clenching his eyes shut as if not seeing will allow him to feel less of the pain. He looks over at Sam, who looks terrified, guilt for having increased Cas’ pain on his face. “I need you to do something else.” Dean searches the bright blue eyes that are lidded and staring back at him. “Anything. I’ll do anything. What do you need, angel?”  _ _   
_ _ The hand that Castiel had propped against Dean’s knee falls to the ground, and with it, an angel blade. Dean turns his gaze toward the noise for a moment before looking back at Cas in shock and worry, his eyes blown wide. “No… Cas, I can’t-” Dean can’t finish his sentence, a few tears running down his cheeks as he exhales breathily. “You said ‘anything’.” Castiel coughs, making a noise after that causes even Bobby’s eyes to water. “Please, Dean.” He manages, his eyes desperate, his chest still ceasing with every inhale.  _

_ The hunter lifts the hand that had been clutching at the angel’s shirt up to cup his cheek, frowning and shaking his head after a moment longer of staring into his sky blue eyes. “Cas…” He breathes, unable to bring himself to do anything else. Castiel grabs the hilt of the blade, dragging it across the floor to where it is just next to Dean’s other hand, the one that was propping him up. “Dean.” He winces again as he draws another breath, resting his hand atop Dean’s. “I’m in- so much pain.” He presses his cheek into Dean’s palm, wanting to be as close to him as possible in his final moments. _

_ Dean tilts Cas’s head back up to face him, then leans down, kissing him deeply. While he has the angel distracted, he picks up the blade, and prepares to drive it into his chest. He ducks his head down to say quietly to the angel “I love you so much.” before plunging the blade into his chest. When he pulls away, he looks down at Castiel’s limp body, feeling completely wrecked as he stares into the now-empty eyes of the angel’s vessel. _

_ Dean blinks a few times before looking over at his brother, then up at Bobby, knowing full well that Cas may have been the first, but he was not to be the last of them to die that day. “Dean…” Sam looks at his brother sadly, but Dean just stares back at him. He flops back so that he is sitting rather than kneeling on the ground next to his angel, observing his wings, black dust on the floor of Bobby’s living room.  _

_ Sam tries to sit up with no luck, and he looks to Dean a similar way that Castiel had. He looks desperate, but mostly just for everything to be over. “Not you too.” The emptiness Dean feels seems to grow bigger with the way his brother is looking at him, and he feels a few tears roll down his face. “Afraid it’s not just him, son.” Bobby sighs, barely lifting a shaky hand from its resting place on the desk. _

_ Dean looks between them again, knowing that they both are suffering, and that if he doesn’t do something, they will continue to suffer. More tears run down his cheeks as he takes out his gun and aims it at Sam. Sam looks so scared, like a little kid, almost, but he doesn’t shake or cry. He just stares back at his brother with fear, desperation and hopelessness in his eyes. Neither of them say anything, but Sam nods, and Dean can feel himself put pressure on the trigger, the bang of the gun filling the relatively small room with sound. _

Dean wakes with a start, and upon seeing Castiel sitting, alive, in front of him, he throws his arms around him. His chest still aches from the dream, but relief floods through him upon seeing the angel’s beautiful eyes full of life once more. He pulls Cas into his chest, holding him as tightly as he can. He buries his head into the crook of Castiel’s neck, not caring about how completely wrecked a dream just made him feel. “What happened?” Cas asks, voice almost a whisper. Dean simply shakes his head, just sitting there crying with Castiel in his arms.


	9. Let It Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean have a sunset picnic, then dance under the stars.

**April 12th**

“Dean, you need to get some rest. It has been two days.” Cas stands on the other side of the library table from the Winchester once again. “No.” is all he says before taking a long sip of whiskey-- straight from the bottle. He can’t get the last dream out of his head. He doesn’t want to experience that again. He can’t do that again. “Dean, please. I can stay with you this time. I know you don’t want to talk about-” “Just SHUT UP, CAS, God DAMNIT.” He slams a fist down on the table to punctuate his words. “I.. I’m sorry.” The angel says, backing away slightly and pausing for a moment. “I’ll leave you be then.”

As he begins to slowly walk away, Dean interrupts him “Cas, wait.” He says it far more calmly than his previous words. The angel stops in his tracks, but doesn’t say a word. “I’ll sleep if you watch over me.” Cas turns around, softening. “Dean, you don’t have to..” Dean shakes his head. “No, you’re right. I need sleep. Now come with me before I change my mind.”

The two head to Dean’s room, both changing into more comfortable clothes. Almost as soon as Dean lays his head on the pillow, he’s asleep.

_It’s late afternoon, probably mid-summer because the air is still warm. Dean is driving Baby with all the windows down, slowly going up a narrow dirt driveway. When he gets to the end of it, Castiel is standing there, looking just as handsome as ever, beside the bed of his truck, which happens to be lined with fairy lights around the edge. The tone of the scene is so serene, gentle, kind, thoughtful, but in the dream, Dean has a feeling of sadness and worry over him constantly. He doesn’t know why, but he feels as though something bad had happened, and Cas had done this to attempt to make up for it, or help Dean forget about it for a while._

_They are at the top of a hill, overlooking their small town. Dean parks the car just in front of where the angel is standing. As he gets out and walks closer to the Cas, he notices that he had filled the bed of the truck with pillows and blankets, and there is a basket sitting in the middle. “Hello, Dean.” Cas opens his arms, and Dean walks straight into them, hugging the angel tightly into his chest and breathing in his scent. “God, I missed you so much.”_

_They stand there, just holding each other, for a long moment before Dean pulls away and clears his throat, gesturing to the truck. “What’s all of this?” Dean questions, walking around to the back to take a full look at what Castiel had set up. There are two burgers, enough fries for both of them, a whole pie, and a 6-pack of Dean’s favourite beer sitting in the basket in the middle of the mound of pillows and blankets._

_Cas smiles as he walks up beside Dean. “We’re watching the sunset together.” Dean turns and smiles at him. The two kick off their shoes and climb into the bed of the truck, propping themselves up with pillows and starting their sunset picnic. After they’re finished their food, they crack open a couple beers and sit back to watch the sun go down._

_Dean wraps an arm around the angel’s shoulders, resting his face on top of his head, holding him close. “I’m sorry about all of this, Dean. We will figure it out.” He shakes his head slightly. “I don’t want to talk about it, Cas. I just want to enjoy my time with you right now.”_

_As the two sit and stare at the beautiful sky, it occurs to Dean that he must be dreaming, because a moment this perfect couldn’t happen in his messed up life. As he realizes that he is in a dream, he also realizes that no matter the place or the situation, Castiel is always the same. He’s always there for Dean, even if Dean doesn’t want him to be. He always cares about him, makes sure that he’s happy, and if he’s not, he does all he can to change that._

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDYfEBY9NM4](Let%20It%20Be%20-%20The%20Beatles) (play while reading the next bit)

_Once the sun is set, Castiel gets up and turns a few more sets of lights on, lighting several candles as well. He turns on the radio, then leads Dean to a flat area that he has now surrounded by light. Let It Be by the Beatles comes on, softly filling the summer night’s air. Castiel pulls Dean into his chest, and, as they are a very similar height, they rest their heads in the crooks of each other’s necks, slowly rocking back and forth to the music. As the first few stars appear in the sky, and the perfect afternoon turns into the perfect evening. Dean hums along to the tune, enjoying the contrast of the warmth of Castiel’s body to that of the slowly cooling air of the evening._

_As they stand here, in this beautiful dream world, it occurs to Dean that Castiel is more than just a brother to him. He’s someone who comforts him when he’s scared, even if he won’t admit that he is, he’ll sit and watch Dean sleep for hours just to make sure that he can try to wake him if he begins to have a nightmare. He’s someone who looks after him all of the time, no matter if it’s tidying his room when Dean falls asleep before he himself gets the chance, or running out to get him and his brother food while they’re pulling an all nighter trying to find the right piece of lore to connect to the rest of some puzzle that could mean as much as the fate of the entire world. He’s risked more than everything just for Dean more times than anyone should have to risk anything for anyone, and he still continues to stick by Dean’s side, risking more and more every single day._

_Castiel means more to Dean than almost anyone. He’s more than just family, he has a special place in Dean’s heart. He wants to be this close to him all of the time, he wants to learn things about Cas he never has before because he never asked. He wants to talk to him for hours just to hear his voice. He wants to just lay with him, not saying anything, just enjoying each other’s space. He wants to run his hands over his body just to be close to him, he wants to stare into his eyes for a while, because the colour is so beautiful. He’s willing to acknowledge, for the first time since he’s known him, that he truly does have feelings for Castiel. The angel that raised him from perdition, the one who left all of heaven behind just to help the Winchesters in their time of need, the man who has done everything he has all for Dean. This angel may have fallen from heaven, but Dean had fallen in love._

_“Hey, thank you for all of this. I really needed it.” Castiel nods. “Of course. I enjoy doing things like this for you, Dean.” Dean raises his head to look at the angel in the eyes. “Why do you do so much for me?” He questions, as if asking it based on all that occured to Dean as he was watching this dream play out. “Because I’ve never had something like this with someone, I want to make sure that it’s just as special to you as it is for me. I want to treat you how I think you deserve to be treated, after all that you do for everyone else, I want to make it up to you.” Dean bites the inside of his lip. “Cas, you already sacrifice so much for all of us, I should be treating you to things like this sometimes.” The angel shakes his head. “This is for both of us. It was to give us something to do for an entire evening while we spend time together.” He pauses a moment as Dean looks down at their feet. “I don’t want you to think for a second that it’s any hassle for me to set things like this up, I love to do it.” Dean looks back up at the angel._

_“Thinking of the idea and then executing it, seeing the look on your face when you first see what I set up, then getting to enjoy it with you. I love doing things for you, Dean. And you deserve it. All of it.” Dean smiles, pulling Castiel in for a kiss. They stand, embracing, kissing, still slightly swaying to the music for a few long moments. Before the song is over, Cas pulls away, putting his head back into the crook of Dean’s neck. “And Dean, you know we’ll figure the Michael thing out, right?” Dean nods, copying the angel, putting his head where it had been resting before. “I know. We always do.” The statement is true, but Dean constantly worries about things when they get bad, because somehow the solution always makes things worse._

_They continue to dance, Castiel tracing circles on Dean’s back with his hand, and Dean wrapping his arms more tightly around the angel. He presses soft, chaste kisses to Castiel’s neck, then rests his cheek even heavier on his shoulder. They don’t speak anymore, simply enjoying each other’s presence and warmth, moving back and forth, feeling the weight of the words of the song. Castiel opens an eye, peering up at the few stars that have appeared in the early evening sky. Dean reaches a hand up, running it through Cas’ hair, letting the small waves flow through his fingers. Dean begins to wonder if he could ever have something like this. He had made peace long ago with the fact that he couldn’t have a relationship with anyone because he would be risking their life or his feelings would get in the way of making the right decision, but obviously the situation of those things with Castiel is different, he’s in the life and he already means so much to Dean, why shouldn’t he be able to have something like this with him? Castiel lifts his head, pulling away slightly, then pressing his lips to Dean’s once more. It’s tender, but filled with emotion, a silent action that gives them both a warm feeling inside their chests. It says ‘I missed you’, ‘I need you’ and ‘I love you’._

Cas looks down at the soundly sleeping hunter, resting a hand on his head. He moves his thumb back and forth, hopeful that because of his lack of movement, Dean isn’t having another nightmare. Dean slowly opens his eyes, looking up at the angel sitting next to him. “Are you okay?” Cas asks, worry evident in his voice. Dean smiles softly up at Cas, but it fades as he worries what he’s going to say. “Yeah, I’m good.” Cas tilts his head slightly. “Something is wrong.” He peers deeply into Dean’s eyes, who turns away from the intense contact, tensing slightly.

“What happened?” Dean clenches his jaw, nervousness flooding through him. He decides on turning away from the angel so he doesn’t have to keep a straight face, but as soon as he tries to relax, he begins to shake. It’s not much, but Castiel can feel the movement and his face and voice become stern. “ _Dean_ .” “ **Nothing** — nothing happened.” He pauses for a moment, and when Castiel opens his mouth to speak, like he sensed it, Dean speaks again. “Don’t worry about it. Just… go— look for a case or.. whatever you do with your spare time.” He closes his eyes, steadying his breathing.

_What the hell am I doing?_ Dean so badly wants to turn around and kiss Cas all over his stupid face, but all he can do is push him away. He can’t let himself be vulnerable. So he chooses to hurt Castiel instead.

Castiel shifts to stand. “You know, Dean...” He stands walking to the door and stopping in the frame, staring straight ahead. “You don’t have to be alone.” Dean sighs, clenching his jaw again, his eyes holding several emotions; anger, sadness, regret, vexation, longing. _Goddamnit, Cas._

He leaves, and Dean continues to lay there, unmoving.


	10. (Brother?)ly Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam aren't brothers. This time, they're soulmates.

**April 14th**

“Dean, just talk to him. He’s so worried about you it’s starting to get on my nerves. He keeps asking about you and if you’ve said anything to me. I can’t get any research done.” Sam says in an annoyed tone, glaring at his brother from the passenger’s seat of the Impala. Dean stays quiet for a long moment, the soft rain tattering against the windshield, running down and off as it had never fallen in the first place, before turning to look at his brother, then back to the road. “I can’t.” He sighs, his expression hard. 

“Well why the hell not?” Sam bursts, his frustration showing in the unnecessarily loud volume of his voice in the relatively small cabin of the vehicle. Dean drums his hands on the steering wheel to the beat of You Shook Me All Night Long as it plays on the radio, which he then reaches to turn up to ignore his brother, but Sam swats his hand out of the way, turning it off instead. Dean bites his cheek and takes a deep breath, contemplating what to say next in the silent air of the vehicle. He speaks calmly, “I can’t talk to him-”. He stops himself from saying any more, not really wanting to tell Sam the glaring reason why.

“Can you at least talk to me?” Sam’s voice is more calm now, as he remembers how this has been happening every time Dean goes to sleep for the past couple weeks, and that yelling at his brother isn’t going to make him talk. Dean sighs, contemplating once again whether or not he should talk to Sam about this. He doesn’t want to hear an “I knew it” right now, because he’s too tired for that shit. “Well, I want to start this off with that I’m pretty sure they’re not dreams.” He decides to ‘at least tell him’ because if he can’t actually tell someone what the hell is going on, he’s not sure he’ll ever sleep properly again. 

“Cas and I were worried that you might say that.” Sam says seriously, concerned about all of the possible things that could be causing this to happen, as well as all of the possible people. “Yeah, well, now that I’ve said that, remember it while I tell you what I’ve been seeing.” He looks in the mirror, just checking that there’s no one else in the car, even though he already knew it was just him and Sam, then begins to tell his brother about all that had happened over the past nights. 

**An Hour of an Emotional Rollercoaster Later**

“So… you- you had a nice one? Then why didn’t you sleep last night?” Dean shrugs. “I was still thinking about it. I didn’t want the memory of it to be ruined by another horrible thing like the one where I had to…” Sam nods. “Yeah. I get it.” The car goes quiet for a long moment before Sam looks over at his brother, studying his expression a moment, before asking “So, how do  _ you _ feel about Cas? Assuming that those were all other versions of you.” Dean visibly tenses, inhaling sharply as Sam poses the question. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t want to answer, or is it that he doesn’t know how? He settles for an “I don’t know.” as he turns the car off, hopping out and heading into the bunker, ignoring Sam’s calls behind him. 

He heads to the bathroom, splashing some water on his face, then wiping it with a towel before really studying himself in the mirror. He looks awful; his eyes are red with big bags underneath them, his hair is a complete mess, and he looks as though he can barely hold himself up. He  _ needs _ to get some rest. He pads over to his bed, taking off everything but his boxers, and falling asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow. 

_ “I’m almost there, just be patient.” Sam’s speaks in a laugh over the phone, as if Dean had just made a really crude joke. He doesn’t understand why he would make such a joke about his brother, but he wonders if maybe in this universe he’s not Dean. Maybe he’s someone else. “I know, I know. I just… I missed you. A week is a long time to be cooped up here all on my own.” His voice sounds the same, but the words sound foreign. He’s speaking the same language, but talking to his  _ **_brother_ ** _ like this? What the hell is wrong with this universe? “I’m pretty much pulling up now. I’ll see you in a minute babe.” The phone clicks, and Dean sighs happily, trotting over to the staircase. Babe.  _ **_Babe_ ** _. BABE?! _

_ Dean is freaking the fuck out inside of his head, but he can’t force himself awake from this absolute nightmare. There is no way that he’s dreaming this, his mind couldn’t conjure up something so…  _ **_BABE?_ **

_ Sam walks in with a duffel bag in his hand, and smiles brightly when he sees his… well, Dean doesn’t know their relationship in this universe. He hopes to Chuck that they’re not brothers, because that would make this a million times worse than it already is with him for certain having Sam as a brother in his own universe. When Sam reaches the bottom of the stairs, he drops the bag, then takes a step closer to Dean, wrapping one arm around his waist and bringing the other up so he can cup his cheek. “God, it’s like you get hotter every time I see you again.” Dean rolls his eyes, lifting his own hand and bringing Sam down for a lingering kiss.  _

_ ‘What the fuck is happening?’ Is all Dean can think while experiencing this in his head. He tries to search through this Dean’s thoughts and memories, only coming up with that Mary isn’t his mother, but John is his father. So in this universe, him and Sam are together? Does that mean that the only thing keeping them apart is the fact that they’re brothers? Dean feels sick, but he can’t because this Dean is feeling extremely happy. Really extremely happy.  _

_ Sam pulls away resting their foreheads together. “What’d you do while I was gone?” He smirks pulling Dean’s waist closer to his own. “You know what I was doing.” He licks his lips, then leaning back in and pulling his--Dean needs to stop thinking of these two non-related versions of them as brothers-- into a heated kiss. He pushes Sam up against the wall, but Sam spins them around, picking Dean up so his legs are around Sam’s waist. _

_ “Wanna- mmm, wanna go to our room…” Dean mumbles through the kissing, and Sam carries them there. On the way, he manages to unbutton his shirt with one hand, the other up in Sam’s long, soft hair. When he tugs on it, it causes him to moan, and the Dean watching all of this feels sick again.  _

_ It’s not like he’s never heard it before, always being on the road with him and all, but in this context it’s so much worse. A version of  _ **_him_ ** _ did that. Sam brings his head down, sinking his teeth into his neck, and a jolt of pleasure runs through Dean. Dean has never wanted to wake up from any of these dreams more than he does right now. He tries as hard as he can to no avail. _

_ Dean opens the door so that Sam doesn’t have to set him down, but the taller man closes it with his foot as they walk through. He drops Dean onto the bed, leaning down and sucking a mark onto his neck. Dean pulls Sam’s shirt off of his shoulders and it falls to the floor, where Dean knows all of their clothes will be in a moment. He cringes at the thought, then panic and sickness flood him again as he remembers that sex means he’s going to see fully-nude Sammy. Fuck, he needs to wake up.  _ _   
_ _ Sam sits him up, pulling off his shirt, then trailing kisses down his chest and stomach, which apparently Dean hates because he can feel himself blush as he tells Sam to “cut it out”. Sam laughs softly as he kneels between Dean’s thighs, looking up at him with the dirtiest smile he has ever seen on his face. “You love it.” He runs his hands up Dean’s legs, and he thinks that he might actually kill himself when he feels big ol’ Samsquatch hands on his waistband. He’s going to see his brother suck him off, right here, right now. He feels the button pop open, and Dean rolls his head back for a moment, clearly tired of holding it up to look at Sam. His pants start being unzipped, and he feels the lightest touch when- _

He finally wakes up from that hell. He barely has time to get to the sink before he’s actually throwing up. That memory is going to haunt him for weeks, no, years. He won’t be able to look at Sam for… a really long time. Sam hears Dean being sick as he walks past his room, and decides to pop his head in to check on him. “Hey, you okay?” Dean looks up at him for a second, his face turning red before he gags, almost puking again. “Don’t talk to me.” He manages, holding his stomach as he leans over the sink. He needs to figure this out as fast as he can, because if something like that happens again, he’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to sleep again.


End file.
